One Year On

Today marks the anniversary of receiving the worst phone call of my life.

Quickly followed by making the two worst phone calls of my life.

My niece doesn’t ring me very often - we have a text relationship - so I did think it odd when her name popped up on the phone’s screen.

Even thinking about it makes my nose tingle and eyes prickle with pre-tear gusto. I don’t want to elaborate on the content of that call because it was, and still is, too painful.

The only details that are important were that my brother had suffered a fall and was currently in hospital awaiting surgery. It did not sound good. Not good at all. This was life changing news.

I had to call our parents and tell them that their son had a spinal injury and was paralysed. I don’t know how I managed to keep calm while trying to placate their panic and fear while they struggled to comprehend what I had told them. It was clear they grasped the gravitas of the situation but had no clue how to respond. They both wanted to go to him but there weren’t enough details. They had to sit and wait. I can’t imagine how agonising it was for them given how absolutely wretched and helpless I felt.

This was one of those times when living far from family hurt like hell.

Some days, I don’t know how I’m ok - better than ok - but I feel I owe it to my brother. I am so proud and amazed by his patience and tenacity. I just wish I could do more. I wish I could fix him.

At the start of 2018, I bought a 5-year diary to record what I was anticipating to be an incredible year with what I thought lay ahead.

A year later, it’s no fun reading those entries back.

The 12 months that followed the fall continued to test and torment. My family suffered more heartbreak and tragedy than anyone deserves and today is no different.

Hold everyone a little bit tighter today because you don’t know what lies around the corner.

Be kind to one another.

Love.

x